The Great Chain

The Great Chain

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Theists are to Atheist Websites as 'Straight Guys' are to Gay Websites

Come on Theists, just admit it, you're a little curious.  We know it.  You know it.  You wouldn't be here otherwise.

Just come out and admit it.  It's okay.  We're not bad... not really.  ;)  If you're a Theist and are spending time lurking on /r/atheism or Pharyngula or Debunking Christianity or any of the other Atheist websites out there, you're almost one of us already.  If you're a Theist and are spending time actually COMMENTING on Atheist websites, you're just a half step away from being a full fledged baby-eating scourge of humanity.

It's okay Theists.  We were there once too.  We understand.  Sure it started with a little harmless curiosity or unwarranted bravado.  It started because you wanted to show us how evil we are.  Or you were just curious.  But eventually you found yourself sucked in.  You found yourself on the losing side of arguments and couldn't figure out why, or you found yourself challenged in ways you hadn't experienced before.

It may have started with harmless curiosity, but soon you'll be longing for more than just the cheap thrill of vicarious blasphemy - soon you'll want to taste it for yourself.  Soon you'll be reading Dawkins or Dennett or Harris or Hitchens.  Eventually you'll find yourself in explicit atheist chatrooms.  Then you'll be visiting atheist bars and clubs.  If you're a Senator, you might find yourself tapping out atheist code in a Minneapolis Airport Restroom.  Just out of curiosity, of course.

Each step of the way, you can tell yourself that it isn't true, that you're here to spread the light of Christ or whatever, that you're here to try and reach us, here to save us from our lives of wickedness and sin, but we all know that just isn't true.  You're trolling our websites because you like it.  You're here for the challenge, for the debate, for the thrill.  You're here trolling because you want to be here.

But don't worry.  There's no rush.  Because we know you'll be back.  We know time is on our side.  We know that if you weren't interested, you wouldn't be here at all - you'd be safe with your flock rather than trolling the seedy baby-eating underbelly of the internet.

It may have started because you were curious or wanted to prove us wrong, just be warned that if you continue down this road you too will probably end as the member of the very minority group you once hated and worked to destroy.  And you know what, we'll welcome you.  Because that is who we are.


  1. Oh, it's true! I spend my nights browsing "incognito", and I always feel so dirty and ashamed afterwards. I pray and pray for God to take these evil thoughts away but he won't.

  2. Perhaps this will help.

    Seriously, I can't imagine how any thinking person could write this drivel. I'm working on an atheist version of this now...

  3. Hehe, funny!

    I've got a verse for you:

    Amazing grace, how sweet the sound
    That saved a queer, like me
    I used to like it in the bum,
    But now, I like pussy!

  4. Great speech...but if I was a theist I would think you sound a hell of a lot like the devil

  5. Well, Atheism is very tempting - what with the social stigma and all.

  6. Well, I certainly do not think that atheists are bound to be evil. The very thought never crossed my mind. As it turns out, some of my best friends are atheists. If there is a God, I can see no reason why he would reject atheists. Believing is not volitional. For God to "damn" an atheist makes no sense whatsoever. In fact, eternal damnation makes no sense, period. As for myself, I certainly consider atheism intellectually respectable.

  7. Did you ever tell them that, if they MUST pray for you, then keep that fact to themselves? I did. It didn't work. They just HAVE to LOUDLY include you in their silliness. I guess it must be--for them--a little like having a tickle in ones throat and trying not to cough. For awhile, the ones who visit my blog substituted "sending angels your way" for "praying for you." Now, the barrier seems on the verge of falling altogether.

  8. So when an atheist trolls a Christian site, say, Reasonable Faith, they are really giving something away?

    I believe it was C.S. Lewis who said, "Really, a young atheist can't guard his faith too carefully."


    The Kansas Anti Atheist Troll

  9. Ah, I see you are moderating comments.

    You ARE afraid, aren't you? LOL!

    Kansas Anti Atheist Troll

  10. By the way, Jeff, are you gay? Thats OK if you are, just wondering.

    Because I noticed that picture on your know, with your ass spread wide to the viewer.

    Very Freudian. LOL!

  11. @ KAAT,

    Comments are moderated because I get a ton of spam each day that I try to keep off the comment pages.

    As for Freudian, it's true, I have a great ass, but it's normally noticed by women. And while I'm flattered that you've spent enough time looking at it to comment, I'm afraid that I find the male form to be physically repellent so I'm going to have to pass. Thanks though.

  12. Jeff, I like your ass too. I don't think you have it up there in the air just for the ladies.

    Come on, you are a little curious, are you not?

    After all, you are the one who compared trolling atheist sites to gay sites.

    Come on, big boy, admit it!

    A Male Member

  13. @ Anon,

    Lol! It's actually up there in the air because I love climbing and tension holds kind of demand it. :)